Irreverent Theology

Every once in a while, I get tempted to join in with theological or doctrinal discussions. It's all vanity. I start throwing around names of authors and philosophers, because I think they'll make me look more intelligent and less like a housewife. I justify it by telling myself that I need some kind of challenge to avoid becoming dull.

It's entertaining at first, but it quickly becomes frustrating. The more I try to paste human thoughts onto God's truths, the more anxious and dissatisfied I become. Nothing sits quite the right way, and nothing I or anyone else can argue makes it right. It makes me remember my time at CBU and the years following, when my head was so full of sideline facts and secondary books and philosophies, that I began handling the truths of God in a haughty, careless manner. Those were the unhappiest years of my life, when I ceased to hear God... when He became an idea, and not a Person to be feared and loved and obeyed.

Looking back now, I admire the few young men who kept their heads and hearts in the right place while they studied theology. They worked out the sordid details of their faith without losing sight of the God who created truth itself. It makes me want to go back to seminary and do it the right way, with relationship first and knowledge second.