Justice League

Jonah, two years old:

I Superman!

I'm really, really strong!

I can fly!

I be mean to bad guys!

Quotes from Pastor Jason

"I love Barenaked Ladies!"

Man Food

I found this recipe a few years back, when I was pregnant with Jonah. The OB was taking hours to get around to seeing me, so while I waited, I flipped through one of the Cosmopolitan magazines on the table. Lo and behold, what should catch my eye but an article entitled, "How to Keep Your Man Interested." And listed among the twenty (mostly dubious) strategies was this recipe for the ultimate chocolate chip cookie. Since I'm always on the lookout for new ways to give myself diabetes, I copied it down on an envelope in my purse. It has served me well. Sigh. So here it is...

The Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe
(with minor alterations)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream together:

• 1 cup butter-flavored Crisco
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar

Keep creaming until it's nice and fluffy!

Mix in:

• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 eggs

Sift together in another bowl:

• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt

Beat the flour mixture into the wet mixture.

Stir in:

• 2 cups oats

Once the oats are mixed in, add the good stuff:

• 12 oz. package (2 cups) semisweet chocolate chips

Now roll tablespoon-size balls, and drop those puppies on a parchment-lined baking sheet. (Or just use an Airbake sheet. I love Airbakes.)

Side note: Parchment saves on clean-up time, makes it easy to cool batches quickly, and can be re-used. Plus, it's cheap. Cheap is good.

Pop them in the oven for 10 to 12 minutes, and remove them when the tops are golden and cracking.

If you use parchment, just slip the whole batch off the sheet and onto the counter to cool. If you use a naked sheet, find a thin metal spatula, and transfer them to cooling racks within the first five minutes. Otherwise, the bottoms get thick and hard.

Serve warm, with a glass of cold milk, when he least expects it.


There you have it. If that doesn't keep your man interested, seek help.

Onomatopoeia

This morning, Anna waved her magic wand (a hanger) at my window. "Pshwsh! That makes it disappear," she said. She swirled the wand again, "Pshwsh! That makes it reappear."

Sarah grabbed a magic wand (also a hanger) of her own. "Can I Pshwsh?"

Anna: "Sure! You can do the doors."

Sarah: "Pshwsh! Wow!"

Anna aimed her wand at Sarah, "Pshwsh!"

Sarah: "Hey! Don't Pshwsh me! I don't want to be Pshwshed!"

Anna: "Pshwsh! There. I reappeared you."

Sarah: "Thanks."

Two Front Teeth

Our nine-month-old, Naiah (Nye-ah), woke up in bed with me this morning.

She climbed onto my stomach and tried to bounce me awake, but I was too groggy to play with her.

So she sat next to me and picked up my hand by the pinky and thumb.

She shook it. She cooed at it. Then she started talking to it, "ma, ma, ma, ma..."

And then she bit it.

Irreverent Theology

Every once in a while, I get tempted to join in with theological or doctrinal discussions. It's all vanity. I start throwing around names of authors and philosophers, because I think they'll make me look more intelligent and less like a housewife. I justify it by telling myself that I need some kind of challenge to avoid becoming dull.

It's entertaining at first, but it quickly becomes frustrating. The more I try to paste human thoughts onto God's truths, the more anxious and dissatisfied I become. Nothing sits quite the right way, and nothing I or anyone else can argue makes it right. It makes me remember my time at CBU and the years following, when my head was so full of sideline facts and secondary books and philosophies, that I began handling the truths of God in a haughty, careless manner. Those were the unhappiest years of my life, when I ceased to hear God... when He became an idea, and not a Person to be feared and loved and obeyed.

Looking back now, I admire the few young men who kept their heads and hearts in the right place while they studied theology. They worked out the sordid details of their faith without losing sight of the God who created truth itself. It makes me want to go back to seminary and do it the right way, with relationship first and knowledge second.

Student Drivers

When I was sixteen, my dad helped me learn to drive. During each session, he did his level best to keep calm and above all, not yell. But inevitably, the trip ended up with him screaming something along the lines of "Brake! BRAKE!" and with me wishing I could give up driving altogether. I promised myself that I would never raise my voice when my kids were learning to drive.

Well, the girls are four now, and they're learning to use the computer and mouse. Yesterday, I was helping them play a game online with Diego, from Nick Jr.

Sarah tried and tried to catch a jellyfish to feed poor Tuga the Seaturtle. I told her over and over again how to do it, domonstrated three times, guided her hand and fingers, explained some more... Finally I realized I was shouting, "CLICK AND HOLD! CLICK AND HOLD!"

Identity Problem

Jonah is two.

Jonah's left hand said, "I'm Oobi!"

Jonah's right hand said, "I'm Oobi, too!"

10 Things I Miss About Southern California

It's been almost five months now since we moved. Don't get me wrong, I love living in the mountains, with woodstoves and lakes and incredibly friendly strangers... But there are a few drawbacks. Here are the top ten things I miss from SoCal:

• Thai Food. Especially roast duck. Oooh, and Thai iced tea.
• Target. Walmart is just NOT the same.
• Businesses that stay open past 6 p.m.
• Barnes and Noble. With a coffee shop inside.
• Liberals. This is ironic because I would be considered conservative on most issues. But I must admit, I love the way the left-wingers bring art and music into the communities they dominate. And they're fun to talk to... usually.
• Freeways. Or any road straight and dry enough to take at over 45 mph.
• Sandals. Although I do love boots.
• Mail delivery. Our town is that rural.
• Beaches.
• People. My family, friends, acquaintances. Familiar faces in general. But mostly family.

Out of the Woods

We're not sick! As far as I can tell, the virus has passed, and the girls and I aren't going to catch it. Whew! Thank you, God! We stayed home from church today to avoid passing it on, and to give Jason and Jonah a chance to get their strength back.

Anna and Sarah dressed to go as soon as they woke up this morning. They were upset when they found out we were staying home. Sarah said, "But it's church day." So we convinced them to settle for some really loud home-made kid-church music in the living room.

Is It Dead?

It's been almost twenty-four hours since anyone threw up. I'm beginning to hope that all the prayer and Lysol killed whatever germs were still lurking around the house. But I can't shake the dread that I feel every time I take a bite or feed the girls, wondering if we'll be regretting dinner later tonight.

Jonah still won't eat, poor guy. This has been his first experience with sickness as a self-aware two-year-old. He keeps sleeping on the floor. This morning, he told me about his first bad dream. A bunny with a sword was being mean to his tummy.

The Stomach Virus

I'm not much into cleaning. As a general rule, I do what I have to do to preserve health and sanity, and try to ignore the rest. These last two days, however, have magically transformed me into Monk. My hands are literally red from dousing the entire house with antibacterial kitchen cleanser at least ten times. So far the baby, the boy, and the husband have put in their twenty-four hours of upchucking, and I am desperate to stop it before it infects the rest of us. Even if I have to resort to cleaning.

How to Share an Imaginary Friend

Our twin four-year-olds, Anna and Sarah, were taking turns, playing with an old cell phone. Anna picked up the phone and said, "Hello? Oh, Cheese Man! How are you? I'm just playing in the living room."

Sarah said, "Can I talk to Cheese Man?"

Anna said, "Yes. He's my friend and he likes cheese," and gave her the phone.

Sarah said, "Hello, Cheese Man? That's my sister. Do you want to talk to me now? I love cheese."

Anna interrupted, "Wait! Give me the phone for a second!" So Sarah handed it over. "Hello, Cheese Man. It's me, your friend. What did you say? Oh, okay." She covered the phone and said, "He wants me to tell you that he doesn't like you anymore."

Sarah said, "Let me talk to him!" and snatched the phone away. "Cheese Man? Did you say you don't like me? Oh. I'll tell her." She turned to Anna, "He changed his mind. He doesn't like you."