Kerr vs. Kenmore

For six months, I hated my sewing machine.

It mangled fabric. It unthreaded itself constantly. It jammed with massive tangles.

I retaliated by locking it in a closet.

Because of our ongoing disagreement, I pieced a quilt almost entirely by hand, with help from other machines. I was still angry, but proud that I could do without it.

Jenn, who loaned me her Singer, suggested I might be to blame. And once, when I tried to sew with the stitch length set at zero, I thought she might be right.

But ultimately, I knew it was the machine, not me. It just wasn't tough enough to keep up with my demands. It was the wrong machine for me.

Easter showed up on the horizon, and the lure of cheap, cute fabric was irresistible. Instead of buying dresses, I came home with four yards of seersucker and some pink ribbon for trim.

I got out my trusty needle and thread, and went to work. But halfway through the first dress, I started thinking about my machine, and how much faster it would be, if only it would work.

I called for help: 1-800-4-MY-HOME, Sears repair service. The nice lady on the phone said they would ship my machine to Reno, diagnose it for $35, and charge me extra for parts and labor. She had no idea how long it would take. Not good.

One option remained-- a woman in a neighboring town, who repaired top-of-the-line machines for the local quilt shops. I got her number from information and called it.

She was a sweet lady. But, just as I feared, she charged $55 for diagnosis and small repairs, and more for complex problems. I told her my machine probably wasn't even worth diagnosis.

She asked, “Well, what are the symptoms?”

So I listed them off for her.

“That's easy,” she said. “It sounds like you threaded it wrong.”

I laughed. “I don't think so. This thing has like a three-step threading system. You can't thread it wrong.”

And I listed a few more symptoms, just to convince her.

“It really sounds like you're threading it wrong. But if you want to bring it in, go ahead.” She sounded like she felt guilty taking money from such a moron.

“Okay,” I said. “I guess I'll check it and then bring it in, if it still won't work.” But I knew it wouldn't work.

I blew the dust off my machine, got out the manual, and flipped straight to the troubleshooting section. The book seemed to agree with the repair lady. So I looked up the threading guide. Page 24.

Around Upper Thread Guide: check.

Around Check Spring Holder: check.

Over the Take-up Leader: check.

Behind Thread Guide on the Left: ch-- Wait a minute!

I have always, always, always, since the first day I used this machine and thought it was wonderful, used the RIGHT thread guide. RIGHT!

So I tried it the book's way, just for fun.

It worked. That lady was right. I really was a moron. For a minute. Then it started skipping stitches and unthreading again.

Ha! It wasn't my fault! I threaded it right, and it still failed! Ha! I couldn't wait to see the look on the repair lady's face when I showed her that I had a real problem like bad tension discs or something equally exotic!

I wanted a sure victory, so I read the troubleshooting guide under “Skipped Stitches.” It listed causes such as a blunt needle, a bent needle, an improperly installed needle. But my needle was new and straight and properly inserted with the flat side facing front.

Not my fault!

I turned to the needle insertion page for confirmation. “Insert a new needle into the needle clamp '2' with the flat side to the rear...”

Oh.

So my machine works now. It made two dresses in a day. If I ever have to call the repair lady again, I will use an alias.