Daddy-Proof

We had to exchange Jonah's Super Stomper monster truck. One of the wheels broke off at the screw, which was quite disappointing for everyone involved, especially Jonah.

When we arrived home, I took the new truck out of the box.

"The wheels are off!" said Sarah.

"Yeah, they have to do that, so that it will fit in the box."

"Well, how are we going to put them on?" she asked.

"They just snap on, like this."

"Wow!" she said. "Even Daddy can do that."

Delicious

I made some homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner. Jonah came to the table and tucked in. "Oh, it's delicious!" he said.

"Thank you, buddy."

He dropped a piece of pasta on the floor, next to his toy. "I shared my delicious with the Superman truck."

Birthday Montage

Many Happy Returns

I handed Jonah a gift. "This is from Kristen's family."

Jonah ran off to find her. He gave her the present.

"No, Jonah, it's FROM Kristen. You need to say 'thank you.'"

"Oh. Thank you."

I handed him the next gift. "This is from Mr. George and Ms. Julie."

"Okay!" He gave the present to George.

Superman Action Figure

"Oh, he's all cute!"

-- Jonah

Impatience

Jonah: Can I open my present now?

Me: No, we're going to do presents after everybody has cake.

Jonah: Can I have my cake now?

Not a Very Good Birthday Post

26 people at my house.

Can't remember anything. Brain shuts down after the crowd reaches ten.

Kids and toys and cake.

Happy Birthday, Jonah. You're too big and cool to be turning three.

I need my pillow now.

The Way It Is

Our little town in the mountains is not normal. I attended high school and college in Southern California, where drugs and promiscuity were rampant. But that was nothing compared to this place.

Since we moved here, I've seen eight-year-olds propositioning kindergarteners on the playground. Jason had to break up a racial fight on our street, started by Christians. I've counselled junior highers who think they have to lose their virginity before they reach the age of thirteen, because everyone is telling them so. We've fed kids whose parents spent their food budget on meth. I've had preteens ask me if God gets mad at them for wanting to die.

This is the norm for our town. You hear people raging at each other in the alleys, day and night. Kids wander the streets at all hours, and their parents neither know nor care where they are or what they're doing.

But it wasn't always like this. Our neighbors tell us that only three years ago, it was safe to let your kids walk to the park. There were a few hard characters in town, but everyone knew who they were, and made sure their kids stayed away. Now, the kids themselves are the hard characters, not to mention the adults. Parents are having to pull their daughters from school to avoid sexual advances on the playground.

And there's nothing to explain the sudden rise in drug use, assaults, and sexual abuse. Economically, things are looking up. Jobs are coming to town; real estate has jumped markedly in value; new businesses are starting.

Yet the town is palpably miserable, more so than ever-- most notably the teens and preteens. You can see it in their faces and their interactions. They're scared and angry and confused. And no one is giving them any reason to hope that there's something better.

If this were South America, or Africa, or Asia, it would be an obvious case of spiritual opression. But since it's America, I want to find some secular excuse. There shouldn't be a dichotomy here. Why is it so hard to see the spiritual forces at work in our own country? Why don't I turn immediately to prayer and militance, as I would anywhere else?

It's taken nearly a year, and dozens of horrifying observations and discussions to make me realize that these people are incredibly lost. It's that simple. And because the problem is simple, the solution is equally simple. Namely, Jesus. Pray for us, people.

Tiny Chatterbox

"May have cookie, please?"

--Naiah, fourteen months

Word Power

Naiah is fourteen months old. She has a lot of words at her disposal (for her age), but she still feels the need to use her lungs now and then.

This afternoon, she woke from her nap as I was finishing my shower. While I towelled off and dressed, this is what I heard two rooms away:

"Mama?" (murderous scream) "Up, please?" (murderous scream) "Mama?" (murderous scream) "Up, please, Mama?" (murderous scream)

Cleanliness and Neurosis

Yesterday, I washed my washing machine. And the dryer.

I also Windexed the microwave.

Last week, I peeled the price tag off of the dish soap, because it looked cluttered.

I have crossed over to the bad place.

Health-Conscious

I poured root beer for the kids at dinnertime. We rarely let them drink soda, so Jonah gulped it down in seconds. Anna and Sarah just stared at it.

Sarah: Why did you give us root beer?

Me: Because you like it, and we had some in the fridge.

Sarah: Oh.

They stared at it some more.

Me: Well, if you don't want it, you don't have to drink it.

Still staring.

Me: Don't you want it?

Sarah: Not really.

Anna: Can I have some milk, please?

Limbo

"Ow! I bent myself!"

-- Anna, age 4, attempting to limbo dance

The Mountains in August

What did I smell, as I walked home from rehearsal? Freshly mown grass? Barbeque? Honeysuckle?

No, no. Woodsmoke. As in chimney smoke. As in smoke from wood-burning wood-stoves, where people are burning wood, this very minute, to heat their homes on near-freezing August nights.

And I ask yet again, where the heck am I?

Phobic

"I'm scared of naked. That's because I'm scared to see your underwear. Or any of your bottom."

-- Anna, age 4, at dinnertime

Lock Up the Laundry

Jonah: The dryer is broken.

Me: It's fine. I can hear it running.

Jonah: No, it's broken. I'll have to fix it. I'll go get my tools.

PG-13

We're helping plant a church in a rural mountain town. Most of the kids who show up on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings arrive clueless about who God is, or what we're about. They just appreciate feeling welcome and safe.

Recently some of the young teenage girls started to get a clue about how much God has done for them, and now they can't stay away.

This evening, on a Monday, Pastor Jason found one of these girls sitting outside the sanctuary on her bike.

"Oh, good," she said. "I knew somebody would be coming soon. Is there church tonight?"

"No," he said.

"Damn! I missed it."

Economic Principle: Scarcity

We have one bathroom. This sometimes causes unfortunate situations.

Just now Anna and Sarah raced past me, through the living room, toward the bathroom, stark naked, yelling, "I have to go badder than you! I have to go badder than you!"

I think Sarah won.

Shiny Sink Update

Two weeks, people! Fifteen days, to be exact!

It's starting to feel normal now. . . Of course, my sink is shining. What else would my sink be doing?

Plus, my bed is still made (and, yes, I sleep in it), my table is bare, and my bathroom is swiped.

And it's EASY. That's the stupidest thing about it. This is so much easier than losing my mind trying to figure out how to straighten up my hopeless house every week. My brain can handle this. Use the dish, wash the dish, dry the dish, put it away. Why did this make no sense to me before? There's just something about shining that sink that clicks those little gears in my head right into place.

Thank goodness for people who understand my simple mind, and know that I need to hear things like, "Make your bed; get dressed; put on shoes." It's nice to know I'm not the only one who doesn't get these things until I'm told.

Happy Man

Naiah was crying in the bathroom, because I wouldn't pick her up. (How dare I?) Jonah brought his three-foot-tall, stuffed Superman, and danced it in front of her.

Superman said, "Happy, happy, happy! Be happy, and I will be nice to you!"

Naiah said, "Happy!"

Jason said, "Did she just say, 'happy'?"

Later, Naiah was toddling around, and found Superman lying on the floor. She picked him up and said, "Happy!"

Jonah, Two-Year-Old Problem Solver

Jonah opened the front door, and looked like he was thinking of leaving.

"Stay inside, Jonah," I said. "You don't go out that door by yourself."

"But I want to go outside."

"Then go in the back yard, and stay inside the fence."

"But I want to go in the front yard!"

"No, Jonah. There are cars and strangers out there."

"Are they mean strangers?"

"Probably not, but you always have to be careful, and stay with Mommy or Daddy."

"Do the mean strangers have swords?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Then I will fight them."

"No, you will stay inside, or go in the back yard."

"Can the mean stranger come in my yard?"

"Probably not, but if they do, come and tell me."

"I will drive the van away from them."

"No, you will not drive the van."

"Yes, I will drive the van and get the mean strangers."

"No, you don't drive til you're a grown-up."

"I will turn into a grown-up." He closed his eyes and concentrated very hard. "Okay, I'm a grown-up. I'm going to drive the van."

Killer Whales

Anna: Why don't whales have teeth?

Me: Some whales don't need teeth, because they can just swallow their food. Other whales do have teeth, like killer whales, so they can kill other animals and eat them.

Anna: Do they eat fish or mermaids?

The Please Monster

Naiah has learned to say 'please.' This ought to be good news. However, in the hands of something as small and unassuming as Naiah, 'please' (or 'pwees' to be more accurate) becomes an irresistable weapon of persuasion, something like Jedi mind control, relying on cuteness rather than the Force.

Example: Due the persistent, whispered use of "up, pwees," I now spend much more time holding her than I can afford. If I ignore or decline her polite requests and upturned hands, I am subjected first to the lip, and then to the wail, which effectively says, "I'm using the manners and language you taught me, and you either don't understand what I'm trying to say, or you don't care!" And of course I cannot allow her to begin to believe that manners and language are ineffective in achieving their desired result, so I cave.

This strategy also works with food ('pwees,' accompanied by decisive pointing), which explains why she ate two and a half bananas today, and with toys, which explains why her siblings are doing much more sharing lately. The Force is strong with this one.

On My Way

I got something special in my post office box tonight: my first rejection slip from a publisher. I am so thrilled!

Jason was laughing at me in the van because I was almost in tears (happy ones) poring over that stupid little form letter. I put it away in my hope chest to keep.

It's going to take years of trying and lots more slips before I actually sell anything, but now I feel like I've started.

Now I need to revise, rewrite, and send it off again! Plus, I'm feeling extra motivated to start mapping out that young adult novel I've been mulling over for a year now.

Woo-hoo for my first rejection! Yeah!

Kind Words

Jonah (to a little girl in the nursery): You get out of here!

Me: Jonah! Talk nicely to your friend.

Jonah: Get out of here! Please!

My Sink Is Shining!

It's been seven days! My sink has been shining for seven days! In fourteen more days, it will habitually shine! I'm using exclamation points!

My shining sink inspires me so much, that my kitchen, master bedroom, living room, and mudroom also shine! And the other rooms really ain't so bad. Improvement! Progress! Discovery!

Who knew that my family would actually become neater when the main living areas are clean? My husband sees the made-up bed and puts his clothes away. My children see the bare floors and put their toys away. I see my clean counters and put the dishes away. I mean, I could have company over, right this second! Who knew?

I have yet to tame the laundry monster and create a system for it. But today I'm starting my control journal, and soon laundry will be no match for my powers of organization!

I've prayed for so long that God would show me how to use our home for ministry, and now I think it's finally beginning. :)

Bump

Jonah banged his forehead on the bottom stair yesterday. Within five minutes, he had a colorful, egg-shaped lump, right between the eyes. That night, before VBS started, Aunt Jenn noticed it.

Jenn: Jonah, did you hurt your head?

Jonah: I was a tiger.

Jenn: You were a tiger?

Jonah: No, I was screaming.

Faux Pas

Anna and Sarah were playing tea party upstairs at their table. They invited Jonah to join them.

A few minutes later, they were yelling, "No, Jonah! No! Not the teapot! Pour it in a cup! No, don't drink from the teapot!"

Then both girls came running downstairs to report the bad news. "Jonah drank out of the teapot, and now the tea is all gone!" They waited breathlessly for me to storm upstairs and mete out justice.

"Okay. . ." I said. "Since it's only pretend tea, why don't you pretend he didn't drink it?"

"No, he drank it all gone, out of the teapot!"

"Okay. . . Just pretend that he didn't."

"But he did!"

"The tea doesn't really exist, so he didn't really drink it."

"But he did!"

"Maybe you should play fireman."